Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
sex in a hospital.. check
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
