there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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