God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
