cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
