around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Come back. Shots need mouths.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
