I am spending my child support on dildos
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
