I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
