Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
