Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
