woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I would ride that face into the sunset
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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