i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
