I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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