he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think a kid would responsible me up
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
