Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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