he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
