She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
