sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
