I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
