the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
