I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
