i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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