I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
