i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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