Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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