peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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