FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
