I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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