I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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