I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
