Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
