Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Randomize
