four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
