i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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