My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dignity is for republicans.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
