True but thats because hes a fetus.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
