you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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