I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
