but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
