Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
