Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
