so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
