Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
