Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im six kinds of drunk right now
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
