You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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