i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
