Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
