this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
