I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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