I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
