haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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