okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
