We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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