Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
