we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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